It has been almost five months since I left. I have gone through a birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and almost a brand new year without Devon. I am proud to say I have survived, and to continue to survive. I have a decent job, the light is back in my eyes. I am learning to love myself. For the first time in a long time I am enjoying my life.
A divorce is happening. I have to pay for it, but I think the cost is worth it. I have learned so much in this short time and one of those things is to not settle for less than everything good, to do what makes me happiest, and lastly and to put it bluntly, to hell with any opinion that is the opposite of the best for me. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to put up with any form of abuse, and you don’t have to stay silent.
It’s a one day and step at a time kinda thing,but I am taking them, and so can anyone else going through this.
Hey Ya’ll, today I am baring my soul. I am telling the truth to all of you about some things I have kept hidden. I feel ashamed of it because from the beginning I have promised I would be an open book. I have not completely upheld that promise. Partly because Devon had asked me not to write about it, and I think partly because if I did not write about it, and admit it I could keep pretending it was not happening. It was happening, so the truth must come out.
One of the last blog articles I posted was about my year anniversary. I talked Devon up, and I stuck to the good stuff because that’s what a good wife does. We do not publicly fault our husbands. The truth is, this year while it was a good year it was also a terrifying year. Devon has on several occasions been physically abusive.
In December, after catching him cheating with another girl for probably the ninth time I tried to pack my bags, and go to my friend Sarah’s. Devon was not having that. So, for about 2 hours I was held hostage in our house. He had taken my phone, so I could not call anyone. I would try to go into another room, and he would follow me, If I tied to go out the front door he would block it, and the back door. If I tried to squeeze past him he would throw me onto the floor, or the wall. At one point as things escalated he had me against the wall with his hands around my throat; as I tried to breathe he freaked out and let go. I ran to the living room when he tackled me. As I screamed, he covered my mouth so no one would hear me. I remember in that moment thinking that I was going to die. Later he had had his fun I guess, and he let me call Sarah. The cops were called. He gave a false statement to the police, which he later told the truth about to the court ordered therapist. But because of that false statement, and because I scratched him to get him off of me I was the only one arrested that night, Thanks to him admitting the truth in the therapy session, and the therapist contacting the DA with the real story my charges were dropped, and the whole case dismissed,
There were more instances where he was violent, but December was the worst. The most recent one was in August when he was caught cheating again. He locked me in our walk in closet, twisted my leg backwards and threatened to break it. I have cerebral palsy, so it would not have been that hard. He also bit me. When I asked him why he had to result to abuse he screamed at me, “I am abusive, and I will be more abusive. ” I ended up spending the night at my friends house. I did not feel safe there. Even Molly growled at him when he called her name that night.
About two weeks ago Devon asked for a divorce. I did not fight it. I didn’t beg to work it out this time. I did not stay like I had so many other times. I packed my stuff that day, and moved to Sarah’s I don’t know what is going to happen to our marriage, I meant what I said when I told Devon till death do us part, and for better or worse.