I have been debating since last Saturday whether I should post this post or not, but I have realized I should. I know I am not alone in my struggle, and maybe I can help someone else. But also, because this past month has been the worst it’s been in long time. Maybe writing it out can help.
My life has changed a lot in the past few months. I moved from my beloved town in Georgia to West Virginia, and in April I am moving back. That has sparked up a lot of jitters and feelings since I hate drastic change. It has come with consequences.
As you all know from a previous post I had a read-a-thon event I was participating in. Well I did very little to participate. I read a total of 75 pages. What I actually did was spend all day that Saturday and Sunday in bed crying my eyes out, worrying incessantly, and not being able to do anything worthwhile.
If you haven’t guessed by now my severe case of anxiety won me over. I am not telling you this because I want pity. Growing up with cerebral palsy and in foster homes got me that enough. I am just writing this because I need to get it out, and it might help me understand it. Plus, my readers might like some explanation as to why Sleeping Beauties was not done last week.
When this hits its crippling. I lost interest in everything. I can’t focus on anything except for what I am worried about, and I get so frustrated. It is incredibly frustrating because I know that what I am worrying about is not anything to worry about. At least not really, but my brain makes me think otherwise. So, I wonder why if I know this do I keep worrying so much.
I also do this thing where I avoid going out. I struggle with meeting new people. Which is interesting because once people get to know me I am at ease, and I do make friends easily, but I am usually not the one to make the first move. Even in my home though, when my anxiety hits I am locked in my Britt Cave and I don’t come out. I think it is frustrating for my family because they don’t understand. My fiancée gets its anxiety, but he just tells me everything will be fine. When every inch of my brain screams otherwise that’s the last I want to hear. I love him for trying though.
I look back over these past five or six when it really got bad, and I wonder what happen to the carefree person I was. And how do I stop this?
I don’t know if this speaks to you, but as I said I think I just needed to get it written out. I also wanted you to know why Sleeping Beauties was written a week late.
If you too suffer from anxiety I promise you are not alone.
#awareness #mentalhealth #anxiety #newblogger #reallifepost #blogtoraiseawareness #selfawareness