Hey Ya’ll, today I am baring my soul. I am telling the truth to all of you about some things I have kept hidden. I feel ashamed of it because from the beginning I have promised I would be an open book. I have not completely upheld that promise. Partly because Devon had asked me not to write about it, and I think partly because if I did not write about it, and admit it I could keep pretending it was not happening. It was happening, so the truth must come out.
One of the last blog articles I posted was about my year anniversary. I talked Devon up, and I stuck to the good stuff because that’s what a good wife does. We do not publicly fault our husbands. The truth is, this year while it was a good year it was also a terrifying year. Devon has on several occasions been physically abusive.
In December, after catching him cheating with another girl for probably the ninth time I tried to pack my bags, and go to my friend Sarah’s. Devon was not having that. So, for about 2 hours I was held hostage in our house. He had taken my phone, so I could not call anyone. I would try to go into another room, and he would follow me, If I tied to go out the front door he would block it, and the back door. If I tried to squeeze past him he would throw me onto the floor, or the wall. At one point as things escalated he had me against the wall with his hands around my throat; as I tried to breathe he freaked out and let go. I ran to the living room when he tackled me. As I screamed, he covered my mouth so no one would hear me. I remember in that moment thinking that I was going to die. Later he had had his fun I guess, and he let me call Sarah. The cops were called. He gave a false statement to the police, which he later told the truth about to the court ordered therapist. But because of that false statement, and because I scratched him to get him off of me I was the only one arrested that night, Thanks to him admitting the truth in the therapy session, and the therapist contacting the DA with the real story my charges were dropped, and the whole case dismissed,
There were more instanced where he was violent, but December was the worst. A most recent one was in August when he was caught cheating again. He locked me in our walk in closet, twisted my leg backwards and threatened to break it. I have cerebral palsy, so it would not have been that hard. He Also bit me. When I asked him why he had to result to abuse he screamed at me, “I am abusive, and I will be more abusive. ” I ended up spending the night at my friends house. I did not feel safe there. Even Molly growled at him when he called her name that night.
About two weeks ago Devon asked for a divorce. I did not fight it. I didn’t beg to work it out this time. I did not stay like I had so many other times. I packed my stuff that day, and moved to Sarah’s I don’t know what is going to happen to our marriage, I meant what I said when I told Devon till death do us part, and for better or worse. For now we are separated, and he has since changed his mind and does not want a divorce. Only time will tell.
As for me I am still at Sarah’s taking it one day at a time, and here is why. Life is to short to live it in fear. it is to short to live paranoid of the next time you will get hit, screamed at, cheated on, blamed for his many screw ups. Not every one makes it out alive. Do not be shamed in to silence. I was for so long, but I am not any more.
Maybe Devon will change. Maybe this is a wake up call, and a divorce won’t have to happen. For now I won’t take that chance on my life. I will stay at Sarah’s, rebuild. and cherish everyday that I wake up and breathe a breath without fearing it is my last. Anyway’s that is my story and if you are going through this hopefully it is inspiration enough for you to live to tell yours.